April 29th, 2008
Darkroom: Waiting for Meaning
You write in the air with a flashlight
words only long-exposed photographs
and I can understand, though some only
take significance in your thoughtful twirling.
But your eloquence knows more bounds
than pen or marker or crayon:
the intonation of your pupils in
the low light: open, for a moment
echoing the swirl of the W in
your left arm swing, as you write:
Wait for me.
April 20th, 2008
How to make a paper auto:
1. flatten boxes:
soft-drink six packs
powdered soap
refrigerator carton
cereal wafer square
2. lay papers parallel:
off-grey newspapers
glossy half/3quarter nudes
textbooks on cell theory
photocopies of photos
3. weave
colors
textures
two ply
three
a breast toy fire truck
paper shredder refuse
then
la-
-min-
-ate
poly-{picture}
fiber-{story}
blend- auto
body
chew-ing-gum-wheels-venus-fly-trap-engine
April 19th, 2008
Grove
Cicadas buzz sun rays up
crisp leaflets
yellow-speckled sun spots
edges curl:
Jesse grasps a fallen orange
yellow in green/brown
hairy summer grass going to seed,
and turns to me.
Eyes violet in cumulonimbus shadows
say, I am this citrus.
April 25th, 2008
Ode to seeding grass and rain-thick breezes;
algae blankets on fallen logs that block
spring flow, drawbridges over the Sewanee,
Ichetucknee, or the Nile; and tiny toes on
inner-tubes deflating; a whitewash one-room
sells peanuts boiled dipped from a warped
metal tub that bathed children before water
ran out to this county, if it does now.
Here, horses playing in the pastures
under the pecans and pines and live oaks,
they out number people, but the better
to see the Milky Way spatter the center
of the sky.
April 22nd, 2008
Tourism
I scratched my name into the wood,
but by name I mean letter.
Leave only footprints
Eroded grains break free of weeds
and blocks and condemned bungalows
with walks over seawalls into the air.
And the blackeye-suzans breathe up dune swirls.
My letter rests among others, years, splinters,
and I jump the last two feet between
the approach steps end and the dried kelp,
wave-flattened earth, littered with broken periwinkles,
nautilus, and the back swirl of a conch.
The overcast waves beckon my footsteps
with a gentle rush that drowns the jackhammer
of a new high-rise shadow.














Devious Comments
--
Jump in the saddle, hold on to the bridle.
--
¡Hablo español!
~Warriors-of-the-Pen ~bekkia-stock
Watch me and I\'ll watch back.
--
¡Hablo español!
~Warriors-of-the-Pen ~bekkia-stock
Watch me and I\'ll watch back.
--
'There is no such thing as the past or the future. There is only the present.'
--
¡Hablo español!
~Warriors-of-the-Pen ~bekkia-stock
Watch me and I\'ll watch back.
April 29
-I like the situation you're describing. Good pacing and diction. The ending is especially strong. Transition between the first and second lines is a little weird, you need some sort of punctuation.
April 20
-This one is strange but it works. The juxtaposition and details are really cool.
April 19
-The ideas seem a little dense for my liking and at times it seems hard to relate the adjectives or verbs to the subject. I like the various colour imagery and I love the line "I am this citrus" for the internal rhyme and just the coolness of its meaning.
April 25
-"Ichetucknee, or the Nile; and tiny toes on"
I think you should change this line. It's improper to finish sentences with a preposition and so it's awkward to end this line with one. It breaks the flow and it's not doing anything for the enjambment.
Other than that I'm liking your original ideas that are present in all of your poems.
April 22
-I don't have much to say about this one. The title doesn't really seem to fit the poem, in my opinion. I got the impression that the speaker is not a tourist, instead, someone returning to a familiar place [perhaps a cottage] for vacation.
And the tourism thing has a deeper meaning, like the people overall are out of place, but I probably didn't do a good job conveying that.
the 19th doesn't seem to make a hell of a lot of sense now that I go back to look at it. So, that's definitely something I have to fix.
Thanks for your input. When I edit these, I'll keep it in mind.
--
¡Hablo español!
~Warriors-of-the-Pen ~bekkia-stock
Watch me and I\'ll watch back.
--
"It's better to burn out than to fade away"-Neil Young
In case anyone is interested, heres my gallery [link]
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