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Craw-daddy by =bekkia:iconbekkia:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Narrative > Open

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©2009 =bekkia
:iconbekkia:

Author's Comments

I feel like this is old. I haven't written any poetry in a while.

Comments


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:iconnofumar:
~nofumar Oct 30, 2009, 3:58:39 PM
This is great. Good Halloween reference, too.

--
I've got the black lung, pop! *cough*
:icona-smitten-kitten:
~a-smitten-kitten Oct 30, 2009, 4:01:24 PM
this has a distinct regional flavor. and that sounds incredibly pretentious on my part and i thank you for bringing that out in me lol

--
Je ne suis pas une pipe.
:iconchloroformboy:
*ChloroformBoy Oct 30, 2009, 4:02:50 PM
"on concrete wings, and said:
This is our country! And wept"

is the 'and wept' be in the dialogue too ?

--
come join *project-improve !
:iconbekkia:
=bekkia Oct 30, 2009, 4:03:41 PM
No. I'll maybe press enter again there.
:iconrlkirkland:
*rlkirkland Oct 30, 2009, 4:04:00 PM
Welcome back to poetic nirvana, maven of word wizardry. :)

--
People are Important - Goals much less
When we stop learning we have begun to die - Shamelessly Purloined
:iconchloroformboy:
*ChloroformBoy Oct 30, 2009, 4:05:51 PM
or maybe just

"and wept,
this is our country"

like said+wept COULD BE redudnant ?

--
come join *project-improve !
:iconbekkia:
=bekkia Oct 30, 2009, 4:08:47 PM
but it's not. they're two different verbs. and in the poem, one action follows the other. You can say something while weeping, but not weep something. That's one of my pet peeves. "That's a nice shirt," she laughed. DEATH. Incorrect usage.
:iconhappymegs81:
~happymegs81 Oct 30, 2009, 4:08:49 PM
Really nice job! I think that its awesome... my favorite line was,

"The swamp you called your mama cracked in 75"

I don't know why....maybe I'm crazy....but I liked it. :P

--
{My Snowman Melted! Poetry Contest-- [link]
{The Contest You Have Been Dying To Enter-- [link]
{Your Own Winter Wonderland Contest-- [link]
:iconchloroformboy:
*ChloroformBoy Oct 30, 2009, 4:13:35 PM
i know but i mean not as in dialogue.

for example:
"That's a nice shirt." She laughed.
Instead of:
"That's a nice shirt," she said.
She laughed.

So maybe, he wept.

"This is our country"

--
come join *project-improve !
:iconbekkia:
=bekkia Oct 30, 2009, 4:16:15 PM
I see what you mean. Good point. I think the annoying thing (to me) was the 2 ands. I fixed it.
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