Second line, their is the wrong pronoun, but changing it to 'one's wedding' sounds clunky, too. Maybe simplify it to 'She wore a white dress the way a bride would'...or sommat like that.
I really like this piece, all the little images that add up to the big picture, and I get a feeling of underlying tenderness throughout. The seemingly random rhyme and assonance and alliteration peppered throughout make it a fun piece to read aloud. Now if only I knew French!
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Daily Literature Deviations is a group that is dedicated to bringing literature to the forefront of the deviantArt community. We attempt to accomplish this by daily featuring Literature artists from around the community that deserve the recognition, but are not getting it. Each day we will feature 5 deviations from the Literature categories in a News Article.
In order to support the artists that we feature, we ask that you the news article as well as check out the individual pieces. We understand that each day you may not be able to check out each and every one of the pieces, everyone has their own things going on. We just ask that you make an attempt to help support the growing Literature community.
Daily Literature Deviations is a group that is dedicated to bringing literature to the forefront of the deviantArt community. We attempt to accomplish this by daily featuring Literature artists from around the community that deserve the recognition, but are not getting it.
Each day we will feature 5 deviations from the Literature categories in a News Article. In order to support the artists that we feature, we ask that you the news article as well as check out the individual pieces. We understand that each day you may not be able to check out each and every one of the pieces, everyone has their own things going on. We just ask that you make an attempt to help support the growing Literature community.
^Ikue has been a devious member of our community for almost 7 years and in this time he has proven to be nothing short of dedicated and devoted. Whilst volunteering his time over the last 22 months as a Gallery Moderator within the Community Relations Team, Chris has brought the Vector gallery and many vector artists directly into the spotlight. ^Ikue's commitment to the community is evident in everything he touches and you can always find him reaching out to others with an encouraging word. Chris is a natural leader with a vibrant and empathic personality, and is a role model for deviants everywhere. It's ev... Read More
Comments
I really like this piece, all the little images that add up to the big picture, and I get a feeling of underlying tenderness throughout. The seemingly random rhyme and assonance and alliteration peppered throughout make it a fun piece to read aloud. Now if only I knew French!
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*DailyLitDeviations | *Critique-It | =TheContestClub | *DailyDeviants
Not For Sale: Fighting Human Slavery
I'm playing around with how it would be pronounced. I think I've got it, and gah, its so much prettier in French.
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*DailyLitDeviations | *Critique-It | =TheContestClub | *DailyDeviants
Not For Sale: Fighting Human Slavery
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*DailyLitDeviations | *Critique-It | =TheContestClub | *DailyDeviants
Not For Sale: Fighting Human Slavery
one thing though, in the fourth line of the first stanza, should 'chinese pairs' be 'chinese pears'? just wondering haha
i'm about five million times worse
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